Well maybe not quite, but I am pretty busy so it feels like I'm in the drivers seat of something. Even it's the bus headed towards crazy!
Jax is 5 weeks old and growing, growing...growing! I cant wait to go home so all my family and friends can meet him!! The biggest change in my life has been so more than bringing home baby and juggling all 4 children and then trying to find some time in the day for a shower. I mean honestly if I get to bathe, good for me..hahaha. And while I'm thinking about it, I'm very pleased with the our schedule. Sure eating is pretty difficult (for me) Jax always seems to be hungry as soon as I sit down with my plate, but between the hours of 1 and 3pm the house is just as silent as it always had been. Logan and Brooke are taking their naps, Reese lays down in my room with a few cartoons and usually Jax is sleeping too. It's my favorite part of the day as you can imagine. The hardest part of the day is around dinner time. Sometimes dinner making alone can be tricky, and eating is definitely a challenge but it's after that I'm lucky if I get the other kids to bed on time. It's a work in progress. Jax does a decent job through the night. Not going to lie, some nights are much better than others. Usually he sleeps between 11pm until 4ish, sometimes even until 5am. Other nights he can wake up much earlier then he wants to rock out after feeding. Not much fun for mommy, but what are ya going to do?!
The biggest change for me though has been a real lesson in life. This wasn't the always easiest pregnancy for me to accept. Even up to my last week of pregnancy I was still having some anxiety about it all. So I'm still amazed that today I feel so complete. It's not always easy, it will get easier with time and then there will be times yet to come that are more difficult than others. But I didn't realize how complete I could feel in this moment of what otherwise is complete chaos.
A cousin of mine recently got married and while going through his pictures of his and his wife's beautiful day together, I came across one with him posing with his sibling's. My cousin is one of 5 children but in this particular picture his youngest brother was sitting out. So there stood 4 of my cousins, all siblings, all happy, all healthy, all beautiful! My eyes filled slightly with tears. "Those are my kids in 20 or so years" I thought. There they all stood in great smiles, 2 boys and 2 girls. When I think about my kids years down the road, it really warms my heart. Not that they don't already, but thinking about what life is going to be like when all the kids are just a little more grown up just gives me great pleasure. I'm excited about today, tomorrow and much further down the road. I'm excited for them especially. Seeing the Brooker family all grown up and still as close as ever makes me excited that my kids too will always be close and happy. It's makes nursing a baby while cooking or bathing or helping 3 other children and trying to listen to the message on the answering machine about an upcoming doctors visit and the door bell ringing thanks to guest that came over unexpected totally worth it!