Saturday, April 16, 2011

Me wrong? No way...okay maybe, just maybe

I have many, many flaws, faults, places that need major improvement.  My biggest of these is probably that I don't always flush after I pee.  And there ya have it sport fans, my dirty laundry airing out for everyone to read.  Anyway, if you don't believe that than you might be interested in some of my stronger points.  I only have two:  I don't get jealous very easily, if at all really, and when I'm wrong I admit it.  But in the last few days I've come to realize that maybe I've been wrong about something for awhile and didn't, maybe couldn't admit it until just now.

 It's hard to know where to begin.  For me, the story probably starts this past week when I decided to give Jeremy the ole silent treatment.  And this was a good one too, lasting 2 straight days.  Oh, I was in it to win it this time.  I had, had enough of his crap but instead of talking about it, which I knew would just be a waste of perfectly good time otherwise spent, I just ignored him completely.  You know it works ladies, don't act like you've never tried this approach to grab his attention before.  And we all know that often times it works wonders.  It worked alright...on me

  So for me, the "problem" I've been having with Jeremy is his time management skills.  You see, my husband has started a new job and it requires for the next month or so quite a bit of his time.  He is working 12 hours a day, 6 days a week.  And I know that he could very easily be working 7 days.  I knew what to expect before hand and I knew that I really needed to be patient with Jeremy.  But just 3 weeks into his new job, I begin to lose it.  I can't change his work schedule but I've been told, promised even that it's going to get better.  But what I really can't stand anymore is the way he seems to spend what little time he has off work.  Now to be fair, his days off during the last 2 weeks were spent getting things done around the house that only he could do.  He has done a very good job of being productive on his one and only day off.  But those days too have there draw backs.  Because he's so busy running errands around town or doing all the heavy lifting around the house, there really hasn't been any down time, us time.  So when he gets home from work that's really our only time to talk or connect.  For Jeremy, his time off work is also his relax and unwind time.  Understandable, I totally get it.  But I need more than 20-30 min of his time.  He likes to talk while he undresses, showers and while he eats a late supper.  Then off to the basement he goes to watch TV and unwind.  Well at this point, it's well after 10pm and I just can not stay up any longer to watch crappy T.V.  So, he's downstairs and I'm in the bed by myself.  Night after night, and now we have set a routine.  Not to mention the fact that I get up with the kids to start the day, while he sleeps in and gets up only to get ready for another long day at work and again he leaves me and the kids a whole half an hour, 45 mins to spend with him.  So at this point is where I begin to have a pity party for myself.  For awhile it seemed fun.  I did a lot of complementing myself. "I keep the house clean, I unpack and put the house together meanwhile I'm raising the kids, I do all the grocery shopping, I take care of the paying the bills, I go to bed by myself every night, I get up with the kids in the middle of the night, I get up with kids in the morning, I, I, I, I, I, me, me, me....." Yeah, for awhile it was fun all alone on my high horse, tooting my own horn... super. fun.

 The next thing I know, it hits me hard.  Like the time I didn't catch that softball in gym class. That bad boy smacked me right in the forehead, left a knot for days. 

  If I didn't have Jeremy, I wouldn't have a house to clean, kids to raise, a family to buy groceries for.  In fact, if it weren't for many people in my life, I wouldn't have any of those things that I took all credit for making or keeping.  And I nor any of the wonderful people that are in my family and group of amazing friends wouldn't be here if it weren't God.  So, while I can't control how crappy of a day Jeremy has at work, I can control how relaxed and happy his home setting is.  And Jeremy can't even begin to try to meet any of my needs if I'm constantly angry for the things that neither of us can control.  I also realized that maybe my husband might  actually want to make more time for us if I told him every once in a blue moon "Thank You for working so hard, I'm proud of you honey".  Maybe, just maybe I'm only getting out of this marriage, what I've been putting in.  Wow, I've been a real jerk.  That's real hard for me to admit.  I've been sitting on my high horse talking and pointing out how giving and selfless I am and then I realize, about the only thing I'm showing is my rear.  So while times are a bit difficult for us right now with schedules and getting in quality time, I'm going to remain content with my life right now.  I'm learning to be satisfied with what I have...which is more than I deserve.

 "Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content."
Philippians 4:11

1 comment:

  1. Wow, you should write a book girlie. Talk about captivating!

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