So two days ago I posted about our dog Rosie, her most recent vet visit, and us hoping for the best with dealing with her cancer. I really had a good outlook on things and was positive about going fourth with her surgery in a week.
Then Thursday night happened. Just after dinner I noticed Rosie having some sort of "reaction" that is very hard to explain. The details aren't important, they are actually kinda heart breaking so I will spare you. What's important is by 3-4am I knew that she and I hadn't slept at all, that we wouldn't, and that she probably wouldn't make it through the following day. I had already planned on calling the vet as soon as I got back from my doctor's appt. in the morning. My plans changed by 7:45am. I was already on the phone with the vet's office desperate to come in...I knew her time was up. It wasn't a pretty sight and again, I'll spare the details. My baby needed to go home with God and Jeremy and I knew it.
It was quick once we arrived to the office. Jeremy and I cried like anyone could expect...like babies. I held her head in my arms while she laid on the table and softly took her last breath. Jeremy and I kissed her and I then buried my nose deep into her neck and took in one last breath of her smell. We made the necessary arrangements with the vet and then left. Jeremy and I held each other close for awhile. That is no doubt in this world that she was a HUGE part of both him and me. She was there from the beginning.
I'm still dealing with alot of mixed emotions. Of course knowing how quickly the cancer took over (literally, a week) and knowing that she's not suffering is comforting. But I'm so mad that she had to go that way. Anyone who has had an animal die of cancer would know. It's awful. It's like it just set out to absolutely reek havoc on Rosie's body and it succeeded. It just doesn't seem fair. I know that everyone thinks that they have the most precious and best dog and so do Jeremy and I. Rosie was absolutely wonderful! I just don't think she deserved to die so young and in that fashion. I'm pissed off actually! I know there's nothing I can do other than be thankful for her time with us and knowing she didn't suffer long, but it still isn't fair. Life isn't fair, I know.
So that's my start to my weekend. Friday has come and gone. I've been down, angry and then sad again. Friday night was almost as hard as Friday morning. The sun set, the kids went to bed and then Jeremy and I were faced going to bed without our pup in between us. We can't kiss her goodnight, watch her prance around the end of the bed to find her most perfect and comfy spot and then listen to her give her big huff of what we guess is both satisfaction and for some reason irritation...lol From that point Jeremy, of course could get comfortable and I would too...around Rosie, she always slept on my side of the bed.
It feels good to be able to write about this. But there is another part of me that needs some time away from the computer. I've been doing a post and/or a picture everyday now all this month. It was something that I was challenged to do for an entire year. Seemed like fun. But now I need a break. It really has nothing to do with Rosie. I've just come to realize that maybe I'll have better things to post if I give a few day rest from time to time. And face it, for the next few days all I'll really have this weekend is Rosie stories. Not that it's a bad thing, but some of those memories need to be just mine, not the whole worlds. Everyone has a story and it should be shared, but only if they it to. I need time to grieve and process this huge change in my life.
I want to say Thank you to all that have showed a great deal of support. Thank you Cole, Shay, Tammy, Crystal, Faith, and Shannon. Thank you for the comments, the phone calls, the texts. I hope everyone has a great weekend and I will be back to blog in Feb.
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